Josh (conro) wrote,
Josh
conro

It's just a game

Living with depression is like playing a game set to the hardest mode with zero lives, but instead of seeing it as a challenge, you decide to just put the controller down and stop trying.

Only occasionally do you power on and find the games been set to 'Very Easy' difficulty: mania following depression. You pick up the controller and everything seems so ridiculously easy that you're on the top of the world, and nothing you do will result in any consequences. You wonder why you thought it was so hard to begin with.

Mania only works so long and it almost always nets you in worse trouble than you were in before and you're forced to start at the beginning of the level all over again.

Depression for me is like powering on a game every day and wondering whether or not I'll try a play through. The same thought is always at the back of my mind though: you'll never reach the end of the stage, so what's the point in any of it?

I keep going, for reasons unknown to me. I tried to turn it off once before but like any gamer I guess I just couldn't resist the urge to fire up another game.
I just hope one day I can master at least one level and finally have some sort of control.
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